If you read my last post you know that I’ve been in the market for a miracle for a long time. A moment for all of the stars to align and for God to say, “you know what, today’s the day”. Unfortunately I’m still waiting for that day.

But in the mean time I have really been trying to dig my spiritual “heels” in, if you will. I have been diving into my scriptures and really trying to learn from them. I have spent time on my knees praying not only for answers but for the strength to hang on until answers come. I have fasted, received priesthood blessings, gone to the temple, and just about a MILLION other things and here is what I have come to.

I quit.

Now don’t panic. I’m not “giving up”, but I’m DEFINITELY quitting. I’m quitting trying to force God’s hand. I’m quitting putting myself through extra grief and pain longing for things I have been promised will one day come. I am quitting telling myself that it’s my fault and that I am not enough because I haven’t received my answer yet. I’m quitting ignoring God’s plan.

Because He has made me PROMISES and who am I to suggest God won’t keep His word? I quit because I love myself enough to know that I’m doing all I can. I quit because my poor husband has been put through my emotional roller coaster long enough. I quit because I trust God. I quit because I am enough. I quit because I want to be happy now.

This decision did not come easily, in fact it came with many tears and much heartache. And you had better believe that I will be keeping my eye out just in case a miracle happens to pop up somewhere along the way, but for now I’m grateful for today. I’m grateful for a loving husband who cares for me, makes me smile, works hard and loves God. I am grateful for supportive and loving family and friends. I am grateful for crappy cars, small apartments, leftover chocolate cake, and the best job ever. I am grateful for a God that loves me through it all and His Son who gave everything so I could have today. This moment. The one without the answered prayer. I have learned that now is a gift, so I’m trying to enjoy the present.